LeadershipPosted: August 7, 2013
wanted to touch on this for a few days, but i’m lazy. then Sunshine Mary (forgot which post, like i said….lazy) posted on how women actively seek approval and validation from men, even the ones they aren’t attracted to.
i remember my mother telling me a loooooooong time ago that in every successful relationship, there is a leader and a follower. my mother is an admitted follower. i asked her what i was (like i said, i was young) and she told mei was a leader. some guys/people (despite gender) are natural leaders. when i first joined the navy i remember a crusty E6 gave the best 3 pieces of wisdom i’ve EVER been given.
-“your job is to keep your bosses boss off your bosses back”
-“the best leaders do so without ever really telling anyone what to do, and he takes care of his people.”
-“a good leader gives his subordinates the tools they need to help them get their job done as efficiently and easily as possible: NOT to give them obstacles.”
the first nugget is basically: do your damn job. the second one took me some time to understand. it wasn’t until i was my first position of authority that it made sense. i worked my ass off, and i proved myself to be very proficient in many facets of my job. i was working on a med-surg unit, BUT still ran calls as a primary EMT, and i had gained a favorable reputation in both roles. so when i was places as senior HM of my dept, my guys did what i said without question. i really didn’t get it, but i do now. lastly, when you give your people the tools they need to succeed, they will bust their ass for you.
people look for inspiration, they follow those who have proven themselves, who have shown to have shed blood, sweat and tears. i’ve had some really good bosses, and some really shitty ones over the last 19+ years. i can count the good ones on one hand, and i remember them all.
this also applies to relationships. most women want a man to take control, to be in charge. as i’ve said before there’s a fine line between being dominant and being dictatorial. the latter will usually get you nowhere in either relationships or day-to-day-life. dominant show’s confidence and the ability to make a damn decision. i’m sure you all know many a woman who’s lost tingles because the guy keeps thinking that letting her make the call will make her haaaaapee.
i was off to lunch with a girl one afternoon. i asked her what she was in the mood for, she replied, “doesn’t matter.”
we ended up going to a thai place and i was getting a pissy vibe from girl. i asked her, “what the hell is up your ass?” she looked at me and mentioned she was “kinda hoping” to go to ******. i looked her dead in the eye for a good 10 seconds before replying, “well then you should have said so. but don’t give me attitude when you decide, “doesn’t matter” where we eat.”
i immediately went back to eating. she remained silent for the rest of the meal.
we were walking around the city for a bit and i was still sensing some tension on her part. that was it. i told her, c’mon, i’m bringing you home. this of course brought out the, “but i don’t want to go.” she was backpedaling. i told her she needed to quit being “cabrona” or else she can do it by her lonesome.
now this was a gf, but i knew i was in the right to call her out. she was cool, feminine, and sweet for the rest of the day.
interestingly enough, working in radiology part of my job is giving patients instructions, and positioning them correctly for pictures. i have VERY little (usually none) from positioning women. men on the other hand, it can take 5 minutes for 2 shots because dude will not follow my instructions. but i can barely touch a womans shoulder and she’ll end up right where i need her for the shot.
ever ASKED a woman if you could kiss her on your first outing with her. total tingle killer, but usually she’ll give you the thumbs up since a shy awkward approach comes off as “sweet” or endearing. but sack up, look her in the eye for a moment, lean in and kiss her. she’ll melt.
in summation, leadership is about knowing your damn job (occupation or relationship-wise) and execute. once you’ve laid the ground work for knowing your role and take care of those entrusted to you, you’ll find your leadership seldom questioned and those you supervise happy to “get their job done.”
not everyone can be an effective leader. God knows i HATE being responsible for other. but when it comes to women, i know my job, and i’m pretty damn sure i do it well. if she doesn’t know HER job and/or performs it poorly, i’m not sticking around. like i said, i’m the president and CEO of “Me Inc”, if my VP doesn’t help “Me Inc.” succeed….