ITLR: Two Wolves have a Conversation of War, PTSD, Blood, and Pussy

LADIES!!!!!! OUT!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!

i had to get a rental car while my front bumper was being repaired. i dropped my car off and was greeted by and older guy- late 50’s early 60’s. but he had that “edge”. there was something about him i recognized but couldn’t put my finger on. he was assisting a woman and was polite, cordial, jovial. all things i’d expect from someone in customer service.

when he was done with her, he address me and began to process my claim. well, i’ve been in so long that “affirmative”, “tracking”, “ooh-rah”, spill from my mouth without a second thought. he finally asked me how long i’d been in. i quickly replied, “19 and change Sir.” he laughed and told me he was 03 USMC vietnam Marine. the 03’s are prefixes for Marine infantry. i replied back, “out-fucking standing you old war horse.” he laughed, and from that point, ALL his “customer persona” disappeared. we were the only ones in the place and the words, “fuck, shit, pussy, bitch, ALL manner of obscenities were utilized.

what should have been a 10 minute interaction lasted 45.

the big takeaway was that we both talked about how we just can’t talk about this type of shit with civilians. the only non-military type i’ve ever spoken to was my mom. and she told me to never mention it again. it’s a VERY dark place. the closest i’ve ever come to getting into it was in (warning, this link sends to the darkest posts i’ve ever written) this post and that doesn’t even go into how i got to that point, just what i have to deal with and keep quelled

what we also agreed upon was this: there’s no fixing it, changing it, or curing it. you either learn to live with it or you don’t. obviously we’ve both learned to cope. he and i have seen and done things that non-military types (unless they are complete psychopaths) can relate to. so, we just avoid the topic. but get us in a group and we talk about it like high school memories.

this man, a representative for a car body shop, was listening to my story of a young Marine i treated who left my BAS, called to get my attention, and when i looked over he had dropped trough and spread his ass cheeks apart while giving me the fish eye and said, “thanks baby.” i shook my head and told him to get the fuck out of my BAS. the old war horse was pissing himself laughing.

i guarantee he doesn’t have that kind of “shop talk” on a day-to-day.

we talked of funny shit, gruesome shit, gun shit, women shit, and basic brotherhood and camaraderie. i saw him today and he greeted me, “HEY DOC!!!!! GOOD TO SEE YOU MOTIVATOR!!!!” the only people i accept calling me Doc are military, or ex military. a reader once referred to me as Doc and i had to email them to please never address me as such again. well the old war horse and i shook hands, we shook hands the way way warriors (and men in general should) greeted each other- firm grip, one solid shake, staring eye-to-eye. sadly, i doubt i’ll ever see him again. people like that come into your life, and remind you that you’re not alone. and that the suck you think you have in your life, someone else can relate…that’s a comforting thing.

so you’re an ace with talking to women, GREAT. you get laid all the time…COOL. well let me tell you this, when you see Death so often that she no longer stirs fear in you, but you actually are comforted by her gaze….then you can share my fire. and that’s what you civilian’s will never grasp. after you’ve swam in enough blood, you’re relieved in the company of other’s that have been in that same lake.

and that’s HUGE. some people simply people come into your life, make and impression, and are gone forever. hell, i might just go down to his work place before i leave just tell him how good it was to meet him; and that’s something i simply never do.

stay up.

one of all time favorite skate punk phase albums. and a fave among my Marine’s; i’d always play it as we crossed into iraq from buehring. if i were ever a wrestler, this would be my “walk-on” song.


18 Comments on “ITLR: Two Wolves have a Conversation of War, PTSD, Blood, and Pussy”

  1. HP says:

    March of the SOD was one of two songs I’d always play before going out on patrol in Kandahar years ago. Always helped put my game face on.

  2. Brian says:

    With four years in the Navy, and then four years fire fighting, I’d wager there are a lot more in the latter group you could talk to than you might have thought. Lord knows I dealt with a lot more death during my fire fighting years than in the Navy.

    • sorrynotsorry says:

      thank you brian for keeping it real…..if one didnt know better, it would seem dannyfrom504 is a PJ or SEAL medic……

      and honestly, Marines can give to shits about medics unless they are attached to Marine units….for they know people like you arent even doing real medical work…..just running prescriptions, and the occasional (i emphasize the occasional) patient transport….you dude would make nine dollars in the civilian world..,…not the Navy Combat medic…God Bless them

      If anything, the Marine was probably laughing AT you…not with you…..think about it…

      he was also mocking you as well with the Doc address, believe me….

      its ok champ…keep kissing girls who like to swallow Haitians down in NOLA

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        “f anything, the Marine was probably laughing AT you…not with you…..think about it…’

        i honestly can’t thank you enough for all the comments. you sweetie, are a peach.

  3. […] ITLR: Two Wolves have a Conversation of War, PTSD, Blood, and Pussy […]

  4. The Navy Corpsman says:

    I never talk about combat, civilians just can’t or won’t, understand. I did try once, a Mr Macho wannabe kept asking and asking. So I told him about an event in Beirut. POG just ran into the bathroom to vomit. From then on, he avoided me like I had plague, and told other guys to ‘never mess with that guy’.

    As I have grown older, maybe a bit wiser, I have learned that it’s ok for civilians and POGs to not understand… this is a part of why we volunteered to serve and protect. The only thing that still sometimes gets to me, is the instant condemnation of any military that crosses into the black state of mind. No Marine, no Sailor, no Soldier who ever served in the suck condemns anyone who loses it…. cuz we all know we’re also a hair away from it ourselves.

    Wish I could tell you it gets better, but it does not… but it does become easier to deal with, over time. A certain kind of peace settles over you, when you realize you played a part in preserving and extending freedom. Yeah, you lost a bit of yourself, Danny. It’s pretty much impossible not to do so, when confronted with blood, pain and violent death.

    And you know damned well, if I asked you, or any of a half million men who served over the past ten years, you would agree that the sacrifice ya’ll made was worth it. Remember that very few human beings could have done what you did, and keep it together. My wife asked me once why, with all that I have done since I left the Navy, do I still identify myself as a Navy Corpsman.

    Because it defined and delineated everything I have done, for the rest of my life.

    As for talking to those who also served… well yeah, it happens. It’s like a safety valve, knowing that there are thousands who DO understand. My son sometimes calls me up and we talk for eight to ten hours about everything, and my heart aches because I cannot fix it for him. After his first overseas tour, he went to a PTSD center to learn how to deal with the World again, and several of his quotes went into a book that one of the Vietnam Vets was writing about PTSD. But, talking about it once in a while can make a huge difference in your daily life. I make the joke that I should have bought stock in the company that makes Ambien, since every vet I have ever met takes Ambien just to sleep.

    No one will ever really get it, who was not there. But that’s ok, too. When someone thanks you for your service, just look ’em in the eye and tell ’em “You’re welcome”.

    They will never know how true freedom tastes. OOO RAH!

    P.S. My wife called me “Doc” once. Only once. She learns very quickly.

    The Navy Corpsman

    • WG says:

      “you realize you played a part in preserving and extending freedom”

      Bullshit. You guys did no such thing. You were miniscule cogs in the imperial machinery of an evil, decadent empire. Stop trying to romanticize it.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        fair enough. but please, share what contributions you’ve made? and if you have such animosity towards the country why not head on over to iran, or china.

      • The Navy Corpsman says:

        Romanticize it? Really?

        Damn Danny, I’m a romantic! Hope it isn’t the 80s band, they sucked.

        Best of luck, WG, in everything you do.

        The Navy Corpsman

      • Shlomo says:

        Fred Reed, ex-Marine, writes a lot about military yahoos. He mocks those who “volunteer” because they can’t find jobs and those who claim to defend “freedom” by telling anyone who criticizes the country to leave it.

        Still, it IS good to find folks who can share traumas. Alas, when– like feminists– grunts claim no one can know their plight without having “been there,” they open a shite-can. Why, for example, should anyone believe what they say? Maybe they’re lying.

        Also, Stephen Crane wrote convincing Civil War battle scenes though he never served. And many a grunt can’t convey what he went through because he was mostly in shock. Or liked killing. Or has no way with words.

        How many soldiers thank civilians for letting them “serve”? How many grunts thank taxpayers for funding their career choice?

        How many military personnel understand world politics? Do they follow orders like Good Germans?

        Do they care about God-family-country during combat? Or just about staying alive and keeping their buddies alive? That’s understandable, but hardly “high morality.”

        Plus why not create similar bonding during peace time?

        Some soldiers are just bullies and bad-asses. If they weren’t in the military they’d be in jail. Why “honor” them.

        It’s a VOLUNTEER job now, after all. So why thank military folks any more than bus drivers or postmen? Why give kudos to combat grunts and not those who climb mountains or bungee-jump?

        As for protecting “the American way,” how does destroying countries like Iraq accomplish that? Suppose China had attacked us and we retaliated by destroying Ireland: should we cheer that, too?

        Iraq had nothing to do with 9-11. Yet, like Libya, its people suffer daily from the chaos WE created. Are we ready for the blow-back?

        Weapons will get smaller and more powerful. Then the children of those we killed will seek revenge. Are we ready?

        Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. Why are we there? How is blowing wedding parties to shitereens by remote-control “brave”? We are cowards. And we’ve not won a war in 68 years. The only battle victories have been piffle: Panama, Grenada, etc.

        WWII might have been a “justified” war, but even then, not every military person was “honorable.” Today most military adventures are done to enrich banks and corporations. How many soldiers do you see refusing to comply?

        Bradley Manning seems the only one with balls.

        Again, some folks LIKE killing. A uniform lets them do so with impunity. When caught, they get slapped on the wrist. They also claim to fight to defend the Constitution, yet tell everyone to shut up who disagrees with them or calls them to account.

        Some feisty protectors of the First Amendment!

        • dannyfrom504 says:

          now that you’ve gotten that off of your chest, do you feel better?

          i’ve stated on NUMEROUS ocassions on this site, it makes me uncomfortable when people “thank me.” i don’t want thanks. this post was simply about 2 guys talking about something that most people reading this site on a frequent basis ask me about. as a matter of fact, i don’t think the post even HINTED that i expect or want thanks. and the “first amendment comment”- i approved your comment, didn’t i. enjoy your day.

      • The Navy Corpsman says:

        “We are cowards.”

        I believe you.

        Have a nice day.

        The Navy Corpsman

  5. infowarrior1 says:

    How I long to be a wolf. But alas such a dream is unachieved.

  6. Peabody says:

    I always wondered about my father’s tour in the Navy. He was an advanced flight instructor on a carrier during our police action in Korea. That’s how he always described it, so I do too.

    He would talk about the hassles and BS that accompanied being an admiral’s flagship, how he was deck or watch officer one night and woke a chief petty officer to get the mess to send his guys some soup and coffee instead of baloney sandwiches when the guys were half-frozen, and living on a base in Japan for a year or so. I always wondered what he actually did.

    The father of one of my classmates told me that if my father didn’t talk about it, there was a good reason and I probably didn’t want to know.

    Once, just once, he mentioned how the cold war warmed up and he found out there were nuclear weapons on his ship. He went into some detail and it was scary. Lame word for how I felt, but it WAS scary.

    He finished with a quiet “I’m really glad I didn’t have to fly that mission” while staring into his highball glass.

    When I turned eighteen, he and my uncle (U. S. Army, Vietnam era) sat me down and told me not to enlist, which I’d talked about doing. I said, yes sir, and that was the end of it.

    Looking back on the dumb things I’ve done since then that almost killed me, I believe he saved my life.

    I do not know where we get people like him, (and you, Danny!) but I’m glad we have them.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Dude, I’m no one special. I didn’t know what I was in for when I came in; and u honestly ended up as a corpsman, but I got from the navy what I was looking for. The other bullshit is just part of the job.

      • sorrynotsorry says:

        then you can share my fire. and that’s what you civilian’s will never grasp. after you’ve swam in enough blood, you’re relieved in the company of other’s that have been in that same lake.

        ———

        kinda sound like you were in the Teams…the way you talk about comabt…..

        how many priority or urgent triages have you even ever been a part of poser

        how many firefights have you even been engaged in…

        herb poser

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        actual urgent trauma cases- over 100, spent 2 years in charleston as a paramedic during my first duty station. my primary job in japan on the blue ridge was examining sailors and prescribing meds to them. only thing i couldn’t Rx were narcs.

        only time i’ve been shot at was in NO. one incident in iraq is classified s until it’s declassified it never happened.

        not that any of the above will really matter to you. you don’t like me- i get it. lol.

        i can’t express in words how giddy it makes me to know that i get under your skin THIS.MUCH.


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