How to Approach without Approaching

the other night, at the local there was a RARE occurrence- a single girl came in and posted up at the bar. look….this NEVER happens. she was cute, mid 20’s, drinking wine, and had open body language. eventually she looked my way and i smiled at her, and she smiled back.

now, i know what you’re thinking, but….something told me to hang back. there had to be an angle and i figured it was one of 2 things: she was either fighting with her bf, or she’s new to the area. if it’s the former……fuck that. if it’s the latter, she’s being agreeable since she doesn’t know anyone. so i played it cool and watched. i knew at some point some guy/s would post up and start talking with her. i could gather more intel that way.

she was chatting with a VERY butch lesbian and nursing her wine. eventually she finished her wine and paid her tab. just as she was about to leave 2 guys came in from smoking and sat 2 seats away from her. dude talked to her for a minute and bought her another glass of wine. the guys then went back outside and that blew my fucking mind.

you buy a girl a drink (ew), then don’t even take the time to chat her up.

no. this dude just came right out, bought her a glass of wine, and walked off. ooooh the douche-chills this gave me. well, the lesbian girl made a comment how that won’t be the last free drink she gets there. i chimed in with “no, it’s not.” girl looked right at me and smiled. i told her i was thinking of approaching to talk with her, but thought she was probably there because she was either fighting with her bf or she’s new to the area.

she admitted to just moving to the area and i could have come over and said hello. then told her i was waiting to see when a guy was going to buy her a drink and when dudes approached her i KNEW she was getting another wine. the lesbian chimed in with, “and you weren’t going to buy her her drink?” i looked at her laughed and said, “i buy drinks for women i see naked on a frequent basis and VERY good friends.” lesbo didn’t have a response- of course. it’s funny how many butch lesbians are just as beta when it comes to women. lol.

now, i know you guys are waiting to hear i approached, talked to her, looked for IOI’s, and escalated. but the fact is, i didn’t. something tells me i’ll run into her again. i told the manager and bartender i’d see them same time friday. wonder if she’ll show up. if she does, THEN i’ll talk with her. as i was walking out, i saw my boy Bruce and told him, “see you same time friday Hermano.” i said it as i was walking past her.

sometimes you get further by NOT approaching. now she know’s i know all the staff and regulars. i’ve shown social dominance with the not buying her a drink and busting on the beta’s that paid for a drink without talking with her (and while they did, she had VERY open body language), and left without saying a word to her.

if i see her again, i’ll let you know.

can’t believe i’m going to miss seeing her live in NO. FUCK.

stay up.


10 Comments on “How to Approach without Approaching”

  1. Frank says:

    Geez that rings so true about the butch lesbians at least the ones I’ve met

  2. APL says:

    What’s the chance the guys outside are her pimps?

    • APL says:

      DF504: “Seriously?”

      Dunno, it’s pretty far outside my experience to find a guy buying a woman he doesn’t know [emphasis]nor attempts to engage[/emphasis], without there being some preexisting relationship.

      On the other hand, there are loads of cute East European or Russian women on the game.

  3. Michael of Charlotte says:

    This article is timely for me. I’m moving to another state and was down there this week. Saw this hot little raven haired girl at this grocery store. She stepped into this place where the cashier stands and I turned toward the guy waiting on me. I saw her check me out but I didn’t engage. I tried to open her in front of him but she wasn’t down with it. I’m thinking now he might be an orbiter for her.

    I realized as I was leaving, she kind of isolated herself by going up to stand by the door, but I still chose not to engage. I’m betting she went and talked to the guy and wanted to know what we talked about. Hopefully he’ll drop the name of the place we discussed and I’ll see her there. If not, I’ll open her in the grocery store where she works.

    I definitely think in your case and mine, we’re not coming off as overly eager which plays to our advantage.

  4. andrew says:

    “it’s funny how many butch lesbians are just as beta when it comes to women.”

    It’s funny you mention that. I’ve noticed it too. I’ve got this one femme lesbian friend though, chick is ALPHA when it comes to dealing with women.

  5. […] the other night, at the local there was a RARE occurrence- a single girl came in and posted up at the bar. look….this NEVER happens. she was cute, mid 20′s, drinking wine, and had open body language.  […]


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