ITLR: Help a Brother Out

i recently recieved an email from a reader with the following quandry:

“Long story short, this time using your (handing her the phone technique) I got the digits of a bona fide 9. She’s way the fuck above my paygrade, but I guess the ball is in my court now. Her looks and status are making me go all blue pill and shit and it’s fucking with my head.”

i read this and my head slumped down. now, i’ve already discussed this with the person that sent it. but i think the email could give you a look at an issue (or issues) a lot of guys have when the begin to digest the red pill. especially when they start seeing success.

so, i ask you guys- what advice would you give this indivdual. and don’t be a dick, i won’t take ass-hat comments out of moderation. this is for learning purposes gentlemen. so….what say you.

stay up.


26 Comments on “ITLR: Help a Brother Out”

  1. tj says:

    Own the fear and realize she won’t be the only hottie he ever dates.

    He WILL crash and burn – just like the rest of us. The key is the bounceback – he either laughs with it and uses it to strengthen his nascent relationship – or he curls up into a fetal ball and whimpers until the backsliding is done.

    So, the best way to save himself is with……humor. When he biffs on something, admit his nervousness and then tease *her* about it. Something like “OMG – I can’t believe I just did X. You’re such a gigglebutt” Or something like that, varying according to situation.

    Nothing wrong with a few ass smacks while out in public too.

    Biggest thing for him tho, is to be comfortable with an attitude of plentitude. He got a 9 – awesome! There are more out there.

    And if all else fails, go buy a scented candle and ask himself “What would Danny do?”

  2. laidnyc says:

    Have fun with it.

    Nobody can really give you a super “this is how you fuck a 9″ line to say. Just have fun with it however you know how.

    Don’t decide what is above your paygrade, let her decide.

    Maybe she is too hot for you, but I’ll be honest, she probably is not. First of all, when guys first start getting success with this stuff they tend to overrate the girls they pick up…”Dude she was a 9!”. I’m not saying this girl is an ugg, I’m just saying before you bang a girl, you are rating her with a load in the chamber. Be aware that your sex drive may be throwing her up on a pedestal.

    Anyways, that’s it: Fun.

    If you’re gonna get rejected, walk away with a smirk.

    • CLG says:

      i always think 9’s are really 7’s pretending to be hot. every girl has her flaws. this one does to. dont spend too much time on focusing on them, because it will turn you off what im sure is an incredible piece of ass. but just spend like a couple minutes- especially in her presence- (so as not to start dreaming of her shitting rainbows with pots of gold if she isn’t around) when she is busy ordering or looking at a menu or something, and start picking out some flaws… her smile is crooked, or she has a disproportionately big forehead, etc… and then realize she is hoping to hell you wont notice these things.

      if she goes shit test on you, neg her imperfections (hard, but not vicious). every girl spends hours in the mirror, and frankly they usually know where their weaknesses are… when someone else pulls back the curtains that mascara and a push-up cant hide… well now she’s at your level.

      finally, and this is something to be careful with cause it can come across as omega if you do it wrong, you can always go groucho marx. “look, let’s be honest: I think you are really ridiculously hot, but i mean, you are on a date with me… so you wanna tell me right now if you have a gang-banging boyfriend you are trying to make jealous whose body I’m going to have to dump in the (body of water near you) at 2 am when he attacks us? cause I didn’t bring any trash bags with me.” or something like that. basically, accuse her of having a flaw, even if you cant place one, that would take her down to your level, call her on it while admitting the looks disparity, and challenge her to reaffirm and defend her interest in you. play it wrong, and say hi to your right hand. but play it right and you can say hi to her left.

  3. First, well done, buddy. Walking up to a pretty girl, saying hello, and getting a phone number takes nerve. You’ve already got the wheels turning. Keep these things in mind now:

    1.. 3rd Millennium Men (IIRC) said find her flaw. That is, look for the thing that might annoy you or would keep her from being a 10: A strange laugh, too-big ears, etc. Finding and acknowledging her flaw will keep you grounded.

    2. Remember that she’s just a girl. There are thousands like her. If things don’t work out with her, you can find another girl.

    3. When it comes to dates, do something that is inexpensive and fun for *you*. Make sure you yourself can have a good time. Ideally, this date will involve some movement and neutral things to talk about. For example, I chose a palace in Seoul as the site for the first date with Lady Buckeye. I’d been there once before, but I didn’t get to see much of the place. That changed when we met there. We strolled the grounds and talked about the interesting things we saw. It got us moving around, too.

    Good luck.

    • CLG says:

      number 3 is gold. my best first dates without a palace were always to my favorite wine bar that had locations where you’d run around like dave and busters with a card trying 1 oz shots of wine. you get buzzed, you change the scene or set or whatever pua lingo is appropriate, and you can escalate by leading her to more seclusion later on.

      also a fun cause “mud run”, playing with dogs outside of petco on saturdays that are rescues, doing a cancer walk, all good fun, low cost, etc.

  4. Athor Pel says:

    The following may apply or it may not but this is what I’ve figured out about myself.

    Certain pretty faces trigger those warm fuzzy feelings some idiots call love. This can lead to oneitis, urges to write poetry, and general lame ass dork behavior. All are bad things you don’t want when trying to get and or keep a girl.

    I’m a sucker for a pretty face. Here’s an example: Alyssa Milano. Every damn television show she’s been on I’ve watched for no other reason than seeing her.

    A great body on it’s own just produces a boner, that’s all. No heart flutter, no gut clench, no desire to pledge my everlasting love if she will only show me some attention. Gack! Makes me sick even thinking about that level of lame.

    The right pretty face coupled with a great body just makes me want to stare in slack jawed wonder. All higher brain function wants to shut down. This means lame game, or no game.

    What you have to do is find the imperfections. Consciously stop your brain from idealizing the girl in your imagination. This idealization process keeps you from seeing her flaws. You just have to step outside of it. We’re designed this way but we don’t have to be a slave to it.

    You must mentally do whatever you need in order to see her as just another human. I’ll say it again, you must find her flaws, find the not so perfect, find the mundane, find the normal. You gotta stop gorging on the happy brain chemicals that get released every time you look at her.

    It will be different for every girl you meet. But here’s an example of what I’m talking about. Ever seen Alyssa Milano open mouth smile? Her upper lip pulls up completely exposing an absolutely enormous row of upper teeth, you can even see her gums. Those teeth are a little scary. They’re so big it’s like gawking at a car wreck. You had no idea that’s what a car looked like jammed under the wheels of a semi. Neither did you know such an enormous set of teeth lurked behind those perfect lips. Stop staring at the teeth!

    What I’ve noticed is once you find one flaw you begin to see more. At that point they become human rather than an idealized perfect girl that actually only exists in your head. It makes it much easier to keep frame, begin seeing whatever signals she may be sending and start treating her like the bratty little sister she is. You might be making her more nervous than you were before you took control of yourself.

  5. aneroidocean says:

    It’s really difficult to give advice not knowing where he’s at, if he’s had ANY contact with her, what exactly he means. However:

    There’s little better than seeing a really hot girl in the throes of passion that YOU’RE giving her.

    Why would you deny yourself that? Don’t self-sabotage. She’s not perfect. If you obsess about it in your head about how you might fuck it up, you WILL fuck it up. Tease her, fuck with HER head, you’re not supposed to be the one all emotional.

  6. Mattychoke says:

    Picture her on the throne dropping a growler. Pedestals don’t have toilets, and outcome independence is critical right now. Dude needs to be totally cool with the inevitable flake or second thoughts.

  7. adiaforon says:

    Jerk off, if necessary, to calm his nerves. Then he might not be motivated by lust.

    Give her a call or text and set up a casual first date in an outdoor setting where the two of them can move around when the sitting gets tiresome or boring. If calling, do NOT keep her on the phone for longer than necessary. Ask how she is, remind her it’s you and that you want her to join you in a planned activity. OF. YOUR. CHOOSING. Give ser a choice and have her commit to a time. You have the place and you can meet her there.

    Have a Plan B in case she flakes. Bring a book, game, flirt with other girls in the area, and just do something fun to amuse yourself alone.

    That’s enough to get the ball rolling.

  8. MissMarie says:

    Outcome Independance.

    Makes a girl wonder why you’re not kissing her ass.

    Once she’s wondering, you’re in. 😉

  9. Okay, so Im not one of the guys but I thought sharing the following quote from Samuel Halpern (remember Sh*t My Dad Says?) might help.

    “That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

    Works for both sexes, by the way. 🙂

  10. RojoC says:

    Hello everyone. The person in question is me. I don’t have a problem sharing that.

    First off, I appreciate the fact that Danny posted this and you guys are giving your input; it’s nice of y’all.

    I have given it some time and the pedestal is going away (I myself have been speaking some sense similar to what most of you guys just mentioned as well) . But it’s true that last week I was getting super nervous. Perhaps it was a “growing pain” that needed to happen because the day after I got her number, I got *another* phone number (using Danny’s phone technique) and I was barely maybe 80% less nervous than the time before. I’ll be fair and admit that while Im not the best as picking up on IOIs*, I felt like these two girls did throw me some my way. I got their numbers, so fuck it, that’s something.

    I know the battle isn’t over. I ain’t married to either of them. It’s just too damn bad I happen to be horny and I like beautiful women.

    The hardest part for me won’t be dealing with rejection or any of that shit. I’m not worried due to outcome independence. (Which I suppose also means getting over the fact that I think I’m an ugly cave-troll).

    The only shit that’s bugging me right now is the fact that I don’t know necessarily how to be a flirt or use kino to escalate and build attraction.

    Also, since I never been on a real date or “hung out” with serious intentions, I’m not sure how exactly to plan the first encounter and the logistics of it and all of that. To one of them I mentioned something about having a drink at a wine bar and to the other I mentioned something about getting food. (My core game revolves around food/drink).

    That’s all I got for now. It’s not that I’m scared of fucking up with the women, rather it’s that I’ve never done this and I don’t necessarily know the rules of engagement so to speak.

    **Oh yeah, is there a way to tell if a girl is being nice of if it’s an IOI?

    Thanks again guys. That’s all I got for now.

    • You will know if a girl is just being nice if you call her and she doesn’t return your call back. That just means that she gave you her number b/c she didn’t want you to feel bad or she thought about it later and decided against speaking with you. Either way, this isn’t a girl you want around anyway. The first one is a *nice* liar and the second is indecisive or has other interests.

      You have mentioned that these two girls are beautiful and you think of yourself as an “ugly cave troll”. I would like to know how you came to your proof of concept. How do you know these girls don’t see themselves the same way? How do you know they don’t think you are handsome? Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.

      This is an example of how men are so visual and they project those feelings through their own filter, therefore wrongly thinking that women are the same way (that same projection goes for women). If these two women are anything like myself or other women that I know, they will wait until they get to know you before they get excited. Whereas the opposite may be true for you …

      Hope that helps and you will fill us in on the first date. 🙂

  11. dannyfrom504 says:

    i’m not responding since i want the readers to chime in. i have every intention of giving the advice i gave said reader. i just want to see what you guys come up with. and the reader is watching as well.

    keep it coming guys.

    and the girls opinions are very welcome as well.

  12. dannyfrom504 says:

    well- the man himself steps forward.

  13. newlyaloof says:

    Just remember that, today, this 9, will most certainly take a big, smelly shit just like the rest of us will. Envision this shit as it eases its way out of her ass as it does with every human. Imagine the stink. Now imagine this 9 is on the rag. Each month she is. So you have this 9 that shits every day and has a bloody vag each month. There, now you have your antidote.

  14. Greg says:

    I don’t know the source of the quote, but “for every beautiful woman you see, somewhere in the world is a man who’s sick of her shit”.

    I keep coming back to that myself. She’s beautiful and she’s single? Why? What’s wrong with her?

    After that I might approach just out of curiosity.

  15. earl says:

    “She’s way the fuck above my paygrade”

    My first bit of advice is to remove that thought from your head.

  16. Mister E says:

    Find out if she is a bitch in a hotties costume or a cool girl in a hot bod. If she is the former, I guarantee you that she will beat you down with your own dick at some point in the relationship. What self-respecting guy wants that? If she is a cool girl and respects you even with all your flaws and embraces you for you, then you have a winner. Keep this the main focus of your mission. Respect is paramount for a man. If you choose to live in the shadows of her whims, you will pay a heavy, heavy price for that decision. No hot chick is worth that, none. Your dignity will suffer you back to blue-pilldom. Ever wonder why men cheat with girls less hot than their girlfriend or wife? It’s because of the way they treat their men. The less-hot girls may not be as spectacular as their hottie counterparts, but they make their men feel like a king. And dammit, who doesn’t want that?

  17. Tin Man says:

    One of the things most people don’t do is trust themselves. But I believe you answered your own question when you said “since I never been on a real date or “hung out” with serious intentions” I say the first part of that statement is the important part – and the second part shouldn’t even be in the equation right now (unless by serious intentions you mean having sex). So, trust yourself first, lead don’t follow, and be bold in your actions and words. You do those things, you’ll be ok and fun doing it.

    As far as IOI’s – can”t really help you – I’m entering this wild, wild west show for the second time in my life – I was clueless prior to getting married and had absolutely no awareness. All I can say is that you have to start to learn how to be aware of the whole interaction and then just learn from experience.

    Good luck – you’ll get there – just enjoy the ride.

    • RojoC says:

      Thank you. And yes, I meant sex when I said serious intentions. That’s as serious as I want to get in my young life anyway.

  18. Mark From 423 says:

    Here’s the thing: A lot of 9’s spend more time alone than you might believe. A lot of guys are too intimidated to get as far as you already have. And truly beautiful women are often more conscious of their flaws (real or imagined) than you would ever believe. The best advice is just like the advice football coaches give to players about post-touchdown celebrations: “Act like you’ve been there before.” Demonstrate that high value thing, bro. Worst-case scenario is that you are spotted out in public with a hottie. This will be noticed by other hotties. You won’t be out of your league for long. You might be getting called up to the majors.

  19. dannyfrom504 says:

    this is the advice i gave:

    NO woman is out of your league.

    the blue pill is still embedded in your system.

    she is NOT the last woman that will come into your life.

    women are nothing to be feared or revered; just adored.

    he is still VERY outcome dependent. you MUSTN’T give 2 fucks about the outcome.

    have fun with it, it’ll make her more receptive and open.

    • CLG says:

      I’ll throw out one last comment to Rojo- I just had drinks with this girl I am friends with. I always had a bit of a pedestal for her, but since I have known her, she has basically been married, so whatever. she hates compliments, but i used to always see her as a 9 in looks, 15 in personality. Anyhow, I spent a year basically thinking if she was ever single I wouldnt have a shot because she was out of my league. she tells me over drinks she doesnt think she was that pretty because she used to think she was fat as a teen. all the distance and dismissive stuff I see her give off about her looks wasn’t her knowing her value; it was her worrying she is still the “fat” girl. Even if you think they act like they are out of your league, that doesnt mean they think they are.


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