ITLR: Raising a Son

i’m not a parent. i don’t have any plans on being a parent. but i have nieces and nephews. my nephews are a LOT more fun. my nieces are cool, don’t get me wrong; but it’s all mind games with them. it’s all negging and even at such a young age you can see the budding solipsism. at the Lablanc family reunion i met one of my young cousins: 8 years old, really sweet girl; but just like with chatting up a woman all i did was keep her talking about herself. after 15-20 minutes of her telling me how she wants to be a writer, she was following me around. apparetnly, my aunt told her i was a (chuckle) “writer”.

my 8 year old niece that wants to be a writer.

my 8 year old niece that wants to be a writer.

my nephew and male cousins are mostly a bunch of bruisers. football, wrestling, rough housing, typical boys. a few are more cerebral and fortunately i have my nerd side as well and can relate to them. hell, one of my cousins saw my bow and made a face like he was on heroin. needless to say uncle Danny will be getting him a junior compound bow.

my mom has me and the 2 sisters. my mom’s stories about me are a FAR cry from my sisters. a few gems from my childhood.

apparently my mom changed my diaper and threw it away. i decided to take the poo out of the diaper and make marbles. my mom (a brand spanking new mommy) saw me and in disgust told me to get rid of the offensive diaper filling.

i’m recalling this from what my mom told me because i was about 2 years; but later on we were at the store, she reached into to her purse to get her pocketbook and came up with a hand full of poo. i don’t see the problem here, she told me to get rid of it, i did.

my earliest memories where when we lived on ole miss ave. back in kenner. i don’t remmeber this per se, but i recall my mom telling people these little yarns from my days of yore. she was taking a bath and apparently i walked in and threw a dead roach in the tub and walked out. i DO know my mom is/was deathly afraid of bugs and i can only assume i was proving her that i killed a roach for her. from what i recall she stood up on the corner of the tub screaming her head off for my dad to come get the roach out of the water.

and it didn’t get better as i got older. i was ALWAYS an outside kid.

grandparents farm in 1985.

grandparents farm in 1985.

me, a pond, and cane pole waiting for a nice fat catfish. again 84-85.  and YES i did clean the fish myself.

me, a pond, and cane pole waiting for a nice fat catfish. again 84-85. and YES i did clean the fish myself.

i was always a very small kid. ask anyone at the meet up, and they’ll tell you: i’m fucking tiny. i must have been about 7-8 years old and i was at the gutierrez family reunion and i’ve mentioned before, they’re VERY cajun. i was VERY non-confrontational and didn’t really rough house. well, my uncles noticed this and made damn sure that my older cousins push me around and they taught me about fighting.

interestingly enough, my mother NEVER objected. i guess she just understood that’s a masculine thing. and these guys are/were fucking brutal. my uncle pat is an old-school cajun that makes troy landry look like mr. rogers. at the recent reunion he was explaining how to pull a 10 foot gator out it’s hole BARE-HANDED.

my Uncle pat. he refuses to wear short sleeve shirts. in southern louisiana, even during summer. YEAH.

my Uncle pat. he refuses to wear short sleeve shirts. in southern louisiana, even during summer. YEAH.

a cajun condo. this my uncle Pat's neighbor.

a cajun condo. this my uncle Pat’s neighbor.

the best advice i ever recieved about fighting, didn’t really sink in unitl about 10 years ago. uncle pat told me, “boy, the key to fighting is to realize you’re going to lose.” it finally clicked that going into a fight with the “i’m going to lose mentality” means you’ll throw caution out the window and just let go. there’s no pride, there’s nothing but you and an opponent. back in southern la. after the fight (especially if it’s a family member/good friend) that’s it, the issue is now dead.

hell, i’ve had women in the family see the boys arguing and they MADE us go outside and settle it. then we go back to climbing trees and throwing rocks.

boys fall down, get hurt, blow shit up, commit crimes against nature, and cause general mass destruction. a waitress at my local had her sister and mom bring her son to work. kid ran to video game, tripped and fell. mom and sister ran over picking him up and acting like the kid lost an arm. me and my bartender winced. we called the kids mom over and told her she needed to stop them from doing that shit.

i was out riding my bike on a trail with friends. i jumped something, fell and sliced my knee open. i walked back home and screamed for my mom. she came to the door, looked me over, crossed her arms and gave me the mom “what the fuck did you get into” look. i told her what happened she ordered me into the house and slapped me across the head as i walked past her. then she cleaned my knee and told me to go back outside and play.

but i think this best summizes the joy of raising a boy. a friend of mine sent me a pic she posted on her FB. it’s captioned, “FUUUUUUUUUCK”. it’s her first child, a boy.

this kid rock. he DESTROYED mom's room. then he got back to watching football.

this kid rock. he DESTROYED mom’s room. then he got back to watching football.

notice the double clutch. you gotta respect double fisting you hog after obliterating a room. if i ever end up with a son, he’ll be this little hellion. lol

stay up.


27 Comments on “ITLR: Raising a Son”

  1. embracingourfemininity says:

    The first photo is adorable! What a little sweetheart! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. M3 says:

    Always knew you were a dirty dawg my man.. but poo play? $#!7 just got real lol

    You’d make one helluva pawpaw, but don’t stop wearing rain coats any time soon to test that theory ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. aneroidocean says:

    I’m so much closer to my cousin now than I am my brother. He beat me up quite a bit when I was younger (probably a little much, but only because his sister beat him up). Unfortunately he’s not 100% physically so I can’t give him a beating back now that I’m bigger than he is, but I think my brother being spoiled and never beat up left him a bitch of a male. Sucks. I feel like I can barely relate to him.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      when i was growing up, me and cousins (after i schooled) were rough on each other. we were ALWAYS playing tackle football, having china ball fights, daring each other with dangerous shit. we were brutal. my mom would scream at us when my and cousin rusty would climb a tree 3-4 stories high then try and make it swing when we got to the top.

      we were fucking insane. lol.

  4. earl says:

    It is awesome being a dude…I can’t imagine why women would have organized hatred against us.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      i was wondering when i’d see you around these parts again. i kinda figured this post would sink in with you. lol. you know more than anyone- boys are just hell.

      interestingly enough, my sister was a non factor til she hit 13, then my mom said she was FAR MORE difficult 13-20 than i ever was. once i discovered girls, i was a non-factor. yeah, i gave her a few heart attacks, but she got used to it. but my sister was just a “fucking evil cuntrag asshole” during her teens.

      her words. lol.

    • Stingray says:

      Oh, I’m always lurking. Surprisingly, I don’t always have anything to say. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Stingray says:

      Ha ha!! I’ll do my best to come back!

    • Stingray says:

      Absolutely I cringed. Luckily he hasn’t made a mess that big . . . yet. I was laughing hysterically at him holding himself though. That is such a boy thing.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        I’m almost 40 and I’d be holding my dick if I weren’t typing. Don’t judge me.

        If you sat my mom down and picked her brain about all the bullshit I got into
        , you’d easily go thorough 2-3 bottles of wine. Meanwhile me and your boys would be duct taping the dog to a chair.

    • Stingray says:

      Ha! I’d love to it and have that conversation with your mom, but leave the dog out of it . . . (and we might be getting a pup!)

  5. tj says:

    Having been a son and now raising a teenage one, I’m firmly convinced you don’t “raise” a son – you merely point him in the right directions and let him figure it out – offer advice when needed/warranted, understand it’ll be ignored and work ’em hard.

    And yes – the maternal hovering – worst.thing.ever

  6. ASF says:

    Bro, those glasses.

  7. surrenderednewbea says:

    After watching my two boys wrestle and punch each other, I asked my mother in law what she did with her two boys…she said: Let them, if they are going to break something send them outside, if one is getting too over the top (since one is so much older) then break it up for a while. That was really hard at first! Now my daughter throws herself in the mix. Yesterday I walked through a tangled pile of kids on the living room floor…my oldest says don’t worry mom, I am being easy on her(her being seven years younger). I said don’t be too easy…she is one tough little girl (and still likes girly stuff too). Boys are easier so far although more physical. My girl is more difficult. We aren’t in the teens yet. We will see:)

    • surrenderednewbea says:

      I was going to say that things were very different in my house for my brother with two older sisters…poor guy…it was good for him with our cousins though.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      When me and Dr. Illusion started fighting in Vegas, his gf just moved furniture and didn’t utter a word. Lol.


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