ITLR: Help a Brother Out

i’d been waiting to post this email until after “The Sailor” post as it’s a PERFECT segue-way into the advice i gave at the end of it. i don’t get tons of email, but when i do i try and make it a point to help out. in this case, i called the guy and spoke with him. he gave me his permission to post this.

“Danny, first I just want to say thanks for sharing your experiences and advice on your blog; it’s the shit.

I am a 23 year old male recently graduated from college, solid job, small apartment…pretty much your average shy guy. However, I was introduced to the manopshere over a year ago and I took the red pill so to speak. Needless to say I have become obsessed.

Over the past year:

– I have read and re-read numerous blogs, acquired and read all the materials: Bang, Day Bang, Pick-up Bible, etc, and I have watched hours of pick-up videos on Youtube.

– I have worked my ass off in the gym getting muscular and ripped. (not to brag but to make a point…I am a very good looking man, numerous women have called me hot to my face).

-I have tried to make my mission my life: focused on getting a job, then working hard at that job, researching and studying ways to make more money, and researching ways to be more sociable.

-I have studied the art of body language and have exercised the principles well. Although its more of a fake front than anything.

-Overall I have just focused on self improvement and becoming a better man.

With all of the advice surrounding the manosphere: get a good body, focus on your mission, build confidence, be an asshole, acquire money, do 100 approaches, do only approaches with IOIs, IT GETS FUCKING FUSTRATING.

Then when I stumble upon your blog, its like a giant slap in the face (forgive me for my ranting). But you are not that attractive and you are in your late 30’s (although I am aware of the SMV age bracket and I AGREE with it. A fat fucking 34 year old co-worker gets a shit ton of young hot poon, it boggles my mind). I know it is your attitude and the way you carry yourself. HOW THE FUCK DO I BE LIKE YOU. All I think about is getting laid with girls: high school girls, college girls, cougars. I want to be a sex machine.

As you can see the frustration with guys like me who kill themselves working out, trying to get girls to notice them, ( I do get a lot of stares and I hold eye-contact until they look away-BUT I AM GOING TO TRY YOUR STICK OUT TOUNGE TECHNIQUE- however that usually as far as it gets). But then see guys like you and my co-worker getting all the young hot girls….It’s like a dagger in the heart. No offense.

WHAT CAN I DO TO BE MORE LIKE YOU…YOUR ATTITUDE. ….I am going crazy. I just want to get laid with a lot of women.

Thanks for listening,

A frustrated young man”

the reason i decided to post this is i KNOW it resonates with a lot of young men, wether they care to admit to it or not. i get emails like this once in a while and tbh, it’s keeps me blogging. i feel for this kid; i know his frustration, i’ve been there. a lot of us have been there. i know writing something like this can be very difficult for guys.

one thing that stood out was where he said this, “WHAT CAN I DO TO BE MORE LIKE YOU…”

this made me feel kind of uneasy. i’ve always been that type that never wanted to wear jordan’s jersey, i wanted people wearing MY jersey. so while i up to certain persons, i only want to be ME. i don’t want my life to mirror anyone else’s. so i told guy to focus on his strong points (and keep those frosty), but concentrate on his weaker parts to bang out those kinks in the armor.

and as far as women, he’s in the days where (unless he has MAJOR game), he’s going to take his lumps in the SMP. by the time he crosses into into his 30’s, his outlook will change and he’s be the one qualifying women.

besides, we can’t all be . lol.

stay up.

17 Comments on “ITLR: Help a Brother Out”

  1. TheHermit says:

    I have to agree that wanting to be like Person X or Y or Z is getting off on the wrong foot. I’m freshly red pill, but what I’ve taken away it’s inner game that really counts. All the money, career success and muscles mean absolutely dick if you don’t build up a good foundation of inner game. It sounds like he needs to work on his confidence and figure out his own identity through experiences rather than trying to acquire someone else’s. Also, what exactly is the problem? Is he getting women but not the ones he wants, getting no women… or…?

    As a fellow younger man struggling in the SMP, I can attest it is easy to fall into these types of traps; overvaluing your external attributes at the cost of valuable introspection and over-saturating yourself with the enormous amount of the information available. Reading and rereading the blogs and books and spending time watching videos is time away from using your knowledge of body language/social skills/etc. to go out and socialize. It doesn’t even have to be grinding out 100 approaches (and probably shouldn’t be) but simply interacting with anyone you can and taking time in the moment to gauge the situation. This practice is the actual living of your life and you can’t do enough of the “living” if you’re spending too much time trying to figure out the best technique for practicing.

    An SMP goal other than ‘fuck all the bitches’ could also be something to look into…

    And stop saying qualifying nonsense like ‘forgive me’ and ‘no offense’… if you’re ever wrong or out of line and get called out, acknowledge it and move on. If you aren’t, fuck it.

  2. Senior Beta says:

    You mean people read your stuff for something other than the recipes? Seriously, my advice would be:
    1. Don’t think you can be a Krauser (or a Danny) in a year or two. It’s a long haul.
    2. You are ahead of 99% of the guys in your age group. So the competition has thinned out.
    3. Check out the Roosh forum Newbie page. Great tips for beginners.
    4. Learn to cook like Danny and Frost. Then you are home free.

  3. M3 says:

    He has to become his own man, not a clone of someone else. Fake it till you make it shouldn’t be a permanent lifestyle.

    He should first accept that he is a hot guy and wear that with confidence. If he’s as fit and good looking as he says, he has to feel it and start walking tall and being in control of his movements should be simple. He needs to believe he is the prize, and take the women off the pedestal. That will help him get aloof and outcome independent.

    What he really needs to do is stop thinking about all the pussy he wants to bang, and instead ficus on attaining traits and skills he can Master, be truly confident in, and make sure these are things women find attractive in men. Therefore his confidence will be totally real, no faking, no peacocking, no pretending. Flirting becomes effortless when you don’t question your own actions. As Yoda would say ‘do or do not, there is no try’.

    I know its hard to think about delayed gratification when young but the effort put into oneself early pays out dividends later on without having to grapple with pretending to be an asshole or taking his lumps in failed approaches by writing cheques his non actualized potential self can cash.

    That’s my .02

    • Richard Cranium says:

      “What he really needs to do is stop thinking about all the pussy he wants to bang, and instead focus on attaining traits and skills he can Master, be truly confident in, and make sure these are things women find attractive in men. Therefore his confidence will be totally real, no faking, no peacocking, no pretending. Flirting becomes effortless when you don’t question your own actions. As Yoda would say ‘do or do not, there is no try’.”.

      This. Exactly this.

      My one main issue with all the PUA stuff is that they are all so focused on obtaining pussy as their #1 goal and purpose in life that they totally miss the aspect of if you just work to make yourself a better person that the rest will follow.

      I’ve read a lot into it and they make it seem so cut and dry that when their “methods” don’t work guys get frustrated. I’ve read so many posts on PUA blogs and message boards that say “I was out sarging last night and I dunno what’s wrong. I talked to 20 chicks and said X line and tried Y move and used Z trick and she wasn’t out in the alley gargling my jizz 10 minutes later WTF is wrong with me?”

      To me so much of it comes off as a bad MLM scheme. Everyone’s got a method and a plan that’s “sure to work.” Guys pay tons of money for boot camps and DVD’s but the one thing they miss is that it’s not like a science experiment where there’s no variables where you can predict with almost a 100% accuracy that combining A substance with B substance will give C result. You have the wildly fluctuating variable of the human element which in this case is a flacky chick.

      Maybe she wasn’t into your shirt or hates pickup lines. Maybe you came off as “creepy” or too “nice” or any number of a thousand disclaimers that only she can rationalize. Impossible to say.

      That’s one thing I totally agree with Leykis on is working hard to make yourself better. When he goes out he’s not wearing a purple boa and goggles and doing magic tricks and making a spectacle of himself. He does however go out wearing a Rolex, a $3000 suit, $500 shoes and orders a $200 bottle of wine. Women will see that and go that guy’s got it together. Now he does have some modicum of fame in LA so I’m sure that helps but he’s in radio and not everyone knows who he is or what he looks like (which isn’t much if you’ve ever seen him). He’s just a successful guy out to enjoy the evening.

      If he meets a chick and hooks up, awesome. If not. he’s still gonna have a good time. He accomplished his goal, a nice evening out. A hot Latina on his jock would just be icing on the cake and not the main course.

  4. MMA says:

    re: “Be more like you”; I wouldn’t sweat that one bit.

    I remember reading an article in Men’s Health or Maxim or some mag like that about 10-15 years ago. I don’t even remember who they were interviewing; it was someone like Ice T or Ice Cube or some thing like that.

    They said, “When you are working out, you might be looking at someone and think to yourself, Man, I’d like to be more like him.

    And while you are working out, someone might be looking at you and thinking, Man, I’d like to be more like that guy.”

    That can motivate you.

    Red pill is about truth. I think responsibility is at the core of truth. Maybe that bro looks at you and wants to be like you, but if he is responsible, he’ll find his own way to carry that mission out.

    My kid looks at me, and I suspect he wants to be a little like me. He’ll find things that he wants to do too. Older and younger brothers and cousins and that can be the same way.

    • No kidding. There’s a reason we have heroes, and that we can have a different one for each area of our lives. That guy made it (in at least that respect), so I can learn from him as well as keep in mind that it is possible to do. The ancient practices of discipleship and apprenticeship are highly developed versions of this concept, but you don’t have to get so comprehensive with it. Nor is every success made for everyone. Danny’s methods don’t work as well for me, for a bunch of reasons. I still learn from them and enjoy hearing about his adventures. It folds into my own path, and reading about fellow travelers helps ease the road.

  5. Mister E says:

    My question to the 23yo guy would be if he KNOWS for sure if his 34yo fat co-worker is truly getting all he says he is. He may be a poser himself. I think that women can smell a poser out over time if you don’t truly have the stuff. One thing is for sure and that is if the 34yo dude really is pulling the poon like he says he is, then the 23yo guy should be motivated as hell to keep going and see that game really does work, regardless of body type or looks. If I was the 23yo I’d shadow the 34yo and learn as much as I could even if I didn’t like the guy. He is apparently is doing something right. Truth is not easily discovered sometimes and is sometimes, very hard to swallow.

    Another question I have in the back of my mind is why are young men having such a difficult time finding their true self? Just what is killing the inner confidence to today’s male population? Is game just an antidote to this social situation or did the older generation of males drop the ball in teaching the younger generation how to be themselves?

  6. Roger69 says:

    Never try to mimic someone else. I am 31 and not great looking, however I am alpha as f**k. I am currently banging a 20 year old who is easily an HB8 if not 9. Last night a friend/colleague of hers who is also easily an 8 text me to ask if she could come round for some action.
    I have never been told by a girl that I am hot, but regularly get told that i am attractive as hell. This is the key. The long line of 18-22 year olds that i have banged over the last couple of years all told me the same thing when asked what attracted them to me (i always ask them for self-improvement purposes) – “There is just something about you”.
    It doesn’t matter what it is, but if there is something slightly mysterious and enticing about you, you can quite literally do anything or anyone.

  7. Random Angeleno says:

    I can recommend social dance classes. Partners rotate, each partner who comes around is an opportunity to make small talk and flirt in a safe environment. It’s a good place to practice a little game in snippets. Remember the women are there to dance with you!

  8. Seraph says:

    I think what the guy may be alluding to with Danny is that Danny seems to have achieved a Zen-like attitude when dealing with women. He literally does not give a damn. Not in a “Fuck Women!” mindset, but in a “I am what I am. Love me or not, baby! I’ll be over here having fun without you.”

    If I had to boil down Danny’s approach, to the essence of inner Game itself, it is probably that. What’s so frustratingly strange about it is it is so easy to state, but so very hard to achieve.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Thank you. I appreciate your saying so.

      But from my perspective, it IS easy to achieve. Just like the matrix’s “there is no spoon” analogy. If a woman is not your priority, you pre-select those that drift your way and once you internalize “pre-selection”, you gain a huge upper hand in the SMP.

    • Seraph says:

      “But from my perspective, it IS easy to achieve.”

      Perhaps, but if it was, I don’t think there would be such a frenetic and ever-growing interest in Game, Danny. Like I alluded to in my email to you, for some guys, a great many, it is like being born color-blind and you asking them to hand you the green wrench. Try to imagine looking out on your world where red or green do not exist.

      Now, it could be that guys do have this in them that it is easy to achieve, but we’ve been friggin’ so brain-washed by what Rollo would call the Female Imperative, we just can’t see it, which brings us back to the Matrix analogy.

      “If a woman is not your priority, you pre-select those that drift your way and once you internalize “pre-selection”, you gain a huge upper hand in the SMP.”

      I think you are going to have to break this one down for the Skywalkers here, Master Yoda.

      I get the idea that making sure a woman is not a priority prevents the dreaded Oneitis, which was the bane of my younger, single self. I also get that it inherently makes one more attractive because it allows you to focus on doing things, learning skills, etc, which are self-investments which boost true confidence.

      Following further, though.

      Did you mean…

      If a woman is not your priority then:

      A) You by default only expend effort for those who are genuinely interested/attracted to you from the start, ie, leave to women to in essence expend the initial effort, however subtle


      B) With that mindset, ANY woman you come across (and unless one is a friggin’ hermit, you will come across many) gets the “I am to be valued, ladies” shot fired across her bow, setting the tone for any subsequent interaction.

      (Just to illustrate how easy this can NOT be for some, it took me probably 20+ minutes to compose just those two possible interpretations, and writing is generally something quite easy for me.)

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        Tapping out. Work tonight. Must sleep. But I will address this.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        yoda. shut up. lol.

        you’re looking too deeply into it. you’re placing women into an equation that they don’t belong to. REMOVE WOMEN ALTOGETHER. this is about YOU. i get emails from guy stating they get the prioritizing themselves……BUT. no, there is no but. talk to EVERYONE. this will make you more comfortable naturally with talking with people. especially when you have a friendly conversation with a woman you have ZERO interest in.

        i really don’t know how else to explain it.

  9. Seraph says:

    No, you explained it fine with that, actually.

    “REMOVE WOMEN ALTOGETHER. this is about YOU.”

    I think the stumbling block is reprogramming how one both looks at things and operates because ingrained habits and perspectives die hard and because killing them takes work.


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