ITLR- My First Experience with BulliesPosted: November 21, 2013
i was in second or third grade. for the first 2-3 weeks of school my mom would walk with me to the bus stop. once mom was comfortable enough, i walked there alone and would wait to board the bus to school (and yes, it was a tad shorter than most buses. let’s get that one out your systems). well, eventally i had 3 other boys (all older/bigger then me), pushing me around and making fun of my for being so small.
my life was a 20 minute hell for the next 2-3 weeks.
i’d never really been in a fight before, but their picking on me left me angry and sad at the same time. angry that they were picking on me, and sad that i felt powerless to do anything against it. now, they never hit me. the most physical it ever got was them pushing me. it was the verbal assaults that bothered me the most.
one afternoon after running home after getting off the bus my Maw-Maw (my dad’s mom) noticed i was upset (it’s amazing how women can read their kids/men). “boy, what’s wrong?”, she asked in her very country accent. i told her nothing and i tried to go outside, i just didn’t want to deal with it. well, that wasn’t going to cut it with Maw-Maw.
i explained to her my dilema and she looked at me understandingly. she told me, “well, i see. and which one is the biggest?” after i told her she said to me, “ok. now look. tomorrow, i want you to leave about 15 minutes early (i always got there first) and you find a big stick. then, you hide. when they show up, i want you to sneak up on the biggest one and start beating him with the stick. but you do NOT hit him in the head. only the body and legs. you hear me.” i nodded and she let me go outside.
the next morning my Maw-Maw saw me off to school and reassured me about what she had told me to do. i got to the bus stop, found a sizeable stick, and hid on the side of a house behind the bus stop. evetually they showed up. i took a deep breath, crossed myself and charged after the ringleader. everything was a blur.
10 seconds passed in rush of boiling blood, humiliation and sadness.
evetually, he was on the ground screaming for me to stop. i quit hitting him, and broke into tears. some adults had come outside to check out the rukus. one of the adults walked me back to my home and Maw-Maw ended up driving me to school. thankfully, the day passed quickly and was uneventful. when i got home i ran back to the house. i started doing my homework and eventually, there was a knock at the door.
it was kid and his mom.
my mom called me to the front door and kid’s mom went on about my beating her son. my mom was oblivious to the whole thing. Maw-Maw heard the commotion and came to the door. now, one thing about southern women: they are delicate flowers until you mess with their brood. Maw-Maw cut kid’s mom off and launched into a verbal assault of the hell her son had been giving me. kid never looked at me during the entire exchange.
then Maw-Maw dropped the fact that she TOLD me to carry out the deed. my mother was in complete shock. i had NEVER been in an altercation before. after my Maw-Maw explained what had been going on, kid’s mom asked him if he had been bullying me. the kid meekly replied that he was “just messing with me”. that was all it took; she grabbed boy by the arm and scolded him as she walked him back home.
i was sent to my room.
a few days later the whole thing had come and gone. i was outside and my Paw-Paw (dad’s dad) came out side and told me he wanted to talk to me. Paw-Paw was Houma Tribe Indian. he never spoke to me as much as he’d just tell me what to do. so when he said he “wanted to talk to me” my little ass knew it was serious. i don’t recall exactly what he said, but it was along these lines-
“there are some men that have hearts full of sadness. these men can only kill the sadness by hurting others. these men are twisted. but they never harm men stronger than themselves. they hunt what they think is weak. these men, when they see true strgnth, they cower. they fear the warrior. what you did was show him a warrior, and he’ll never bother you again. it’s never about winning or losing, all that matters is that you fight. and it’s not just men or beast that this applies to- when you become a man, you’ll understand.”
i KNOW this isn’t exactly how he put it, since….well, it happened YEARS ago. but i always remembered that talk. and now it makes perfect sense. as i got older i realized what he meant. after popping my fighting cherry, i was a different kid. i NEVER messed with anyone. matter of fact, i hate fighting. but whenever a kid pushed me, it was on.
a year later, i was at school playing football (tackle). a kid tackled me and as he got up he pushed my face into the ground. i went into the red. on the next play i nailed the kid with a brutal hit. he got up and we went at it. it was eventually broken up and i ended up visiting the principle. of course the other boy denied doing anything to instigate me. i explained what happend to my mom and got i punished for a few days. but, something even more profound happened.
that kid never bothered me again.
when i saw fight club (read it after) and got to the part of the movie where Tyler ordered the guys to start and lose a fight, only to find that most men will avoid physical confrontation, struck a cord with me. it made an impression because, well…….it’s true. even Doc Illusion stated in twitter how fighting seems to be a regional thing. i know in the south, men fight.
i don’t like how they leave out the narration after the fight.
THIS ONE got me though. fast forward to 9:30 on the clip.