The CraziesPosted: January 20, 2014
i was living in san deezy going to xray school and i was taking a break from studying and reading for a moment. i wasn’t wearing my head-phones when i heard, “whatcha reading?” she was about 5’7″, face-7, body 6- slightly overweight (and she was a nutritionist for jenny craig- SWEAR TO GOD), and smiling at me. i told her what the book was and after she got her order she sat with me and we talked for about 10 minutes. she left her number (DUH).
i made a date to pick her up and take her to balboa park’s museum to see an andy warhol exhibit. after the exhibit we walkaround other parts of the museum. she was critiquing some of the classic painting with, “i could paint better than this.” about 15 minutes into the date, i was getting annoyed with her. i had finally had enough and told her i had to drop her off so i could study for a test i had the next day- LIE.
we drove past my church and i pointed out, “that’s where i go to church.” she looked at it for a second and said, “i could never go to church there, it has a red door.”
this was the moment i punched out. i started to hear the charlie brown voice whenever she spoke. i pulled into her complex and she invited me in. part of me said to het the fuck out, but the other halef od me (read: my dick) said to get in there and sarge her out of her panties. now, in leass then 2 hours this girl had proven she was bat shit insane. and ANY guy that’s been with enough women know this fact:
the crazies are the best in bed.
i had been in her apartmetn less than 15 minutes and we were making out. she had made a comment to me earlier that she “could orgasm just by giving a guy head.” well ANOTHER fact: girls that are a tad over weight give mind blowing head. so THIS was something that made me giddy. before i knew it she was blowing me.
but this wasn’t just some typical day to day head.
this was mouth fucking. this was girl choking and sounding somewhat retarded as she swallowed my mule. and she LOVED it. to this day, that was some of the greatest head i’ve ever recieved. i literally mouth fucked this girl for 2 hours. i’ve NEVER had a girl get me off that many times with just oral.
of course she did OTHER things, but i’m not going to gross you all out. but let’s just say she loved licking the dirty penny. and this was my first time receiving “the rusty trombone“. when i finally deciced to get in there, she was soaked. when i made mention of it she simply said, “i told you i can get off just by giving head and you’re pretty rough. i like that.”
after about 3 hours of playtime, i had had enough. we saw each other 3-4 more times before i knew it was best to distance myself. i NEVER let her know my address, we always played at her place. i was smart enough to know this girl could turn stalker pretty easily. and let’s face it.
this girl was so good in bed that i KNEW she was fucking loco. but it was fun for a few weeks. if you wanna fuck a crazy chick, fine. just be careful and realize this girl will probably pout a brick through your window and/or pull a knife on you. but the true display of her insanity came in the form of a shit test where i made mention of a girl being “kinda hot”, she said she’d never want to to be judged based solely on her looks. THEN asked me how’d i’d rate her looks. i told her, “looks alone…i’d say about a seven.”
she went fucking ballistic.
“A SEVEN!!!! I’M MUCH HIGHER THAN A SEVEN!!!! you CAN’T be serious.” i looked at her blankly and repeated, “yeah. seven. you asked, i’m telling you.” so….a girl who’d NEVER want to be judged based solely on looks loses her shit when a guy tell her he sees her as a seven in the looks dept. such hamsterbation.