If You Fall, Get Your Ass Back Up

i was going to UNO at the time. i think i was about 27-28 or so. my case of oneitis had moved back to LA. i was taking a psychology class. i sat behind a girl i knew from the base and to her left sat a girl that i shit you not looked like angelina jolie (the YOUNG algelina). black hair, deep blue eyes, pouty lips, slamming body, couldn’t weigh more than 100lbs. MY exact “type”.

her name was elizabeth, she had a bf that went to tulane. cool girl, but i rarely talked to her for the first few classes. then the girl i knew from base dropped the class and i ended up sitting next to elizabeth. i caught her cheating on me a few times, and i teased her that i guessed all my answers, sometimes i’d cover my paper so she couldn’t see and she’d playfully push me.

then there were the scantrons. remember scantrons? well all of UNO’s exams were done on scantron. they were 10 cents a pop so i ended up buying 20. she ALWAYS needed a scantron. i let her have one the first time then told her her she needed to give me a dollar every time she wanted one. “Danny, they only cost 10 cents.” i told her, “yeah at the book store, so go get one from there. Danny-mart charges a dollar.”

from that moment on, she ALWAYS handed me a dollar on a test day.

i really didn’t talk that much with her during the semester. eventually the day of the final came. we finished our exam about the same time. she turned her test in ahead of me then waited outside class when i walked out.

we talked for a moment. and i blankly asked her if she and her bf were still dating. “yeah, i dunno. *sigh*” then she paused gave me a look and asked, “why?” with a coy grin. i completely blanked out. i mumbled that i didn’t know i was just curious.

she smiled, looked at me with the same grin and said, “just curious?”

i was in a mental tail spin. i could NOT come up with a coherent response. i kept stumbling and everything i was saying was a rambling of nothing. finally, i got to where i had to turn to get to my car and said, “ok, this is me, i guess i’ll see you later.” i heard her reply, “i guuuuuuuess.”

as i walked to my car my inner monologue was SCREAMING at me

“GO ASK HER FOR HER NUMBER!!!!!”

“SHE WAS FUCKING SMILING AT YOU!!!!”

“GO BACK AND TALK TO HER STUPID!!!!”

i got into my car and i felt like the biggest douchebag on the planet. i felt like a complete pussy. i told myself i don’t deserve to get laid ever again. i felt like the biggest piece of shit on the planet.

i was driving away and HOLY SHIT- there was elizabeth loading her crap into the back of her SUV. i stopped, lowered the passenger window and asked, “Liz, can i talk to you for a second?” she smiled, walked over, placed her hands on the door and said, “i guess.” she was smiling.

i told her i felt like a complete ass and i blanked out, but that i figured i should get her number so we could get together some time. she smiled and said, “see, was that so hard?” i chuckled, handed her a piece of paper and a pen, laughed and said, “just give me your damn number.” she smiled as she wrote and handed me the paper and pen. i told her i’d call her soon.

she said goodbye and walked back to her SUV.

called her once and she wasn’t home. left my name and number. she called me a few days later and we talked for about 15-20 minutes. come to find out she liked to hang out a club about 10-15 minutes from my house. when i told her i lived pretty close to said club and described where i lived she knew the EXACT area where i lived. she mentioned me meeting her at the club sometime and i told her i was a complete homeboy, that i had JUST come back from living in europe and i was partied out.

“i NEVER go out on a school night, and on weekends i’m here watching a dvd and kicking back.”

Elizabeth had just turned 22, i was about 28-29 at the time (it was 2002). we might have spoken on the phone one or two more times after that first call.

a few weeks later, on saturday night my phone rang around 12:30 am. WTF???? my phone NEVER rings that late. i didn’t recognize the number so i let the machine get it. it was Elizabeth and i could BARELY hear her, there was loud music in the back ground. i picked up and she asked me for my exact address. i gave her directions and she said she was coming over.

well, well, well.

30 minutes later i heard her honk her horn. i gave her the gate code, she walked up to my third floor apartment and i knew something was off. she was talking VERY erratically and she was super excited. she explained that the club was lame and 2 of her gf’s flaked and she remembered i lived close to the club.

she had also dropped X and didn’t want to roll alone. i showed her the apartment (it was fucking TINY) and when we got to my room she said how much she liked the mirrors. i told her she was lucky because i typically don’t allow girls in my room unless they’re topless. she looked at me, pulled off her her shirt and bra and moved in to kiss me.

i guess you can figure out the rest.

this girl was a BEAST. i don’t know if it was the X or this was just an amplified libido that was usual for her. but i can tell you i had a GREAT time. she left around 9 the next morning. EPIC session.

it didn’t really develop into anything more than me being a booty call when she didn’t feel like going home after partying. if my phone rang 2-3 am on a friday or saturday i knew exactly who it was. this went on for about 5-6 months before it fizzled out.

but like most women that are VERY physically attractive, she was kind of dull . and outside of fucking her there wasn’t really much interesting about her. and she told me to my face guys would gush when approaching her and tell her how she looked just like angelina jolie.

i asked her how many of those got to see her nakie. she laughed and said, “none, ew.”

and if you can just hang out with some VERY attractive friends, you might find the hotties gravitating towards you. but the fact is 9-10’s are kind of over rated after you get it in. i took Elizabeth to lunch at a vietnamese place and 15-20 minutes into it i wanted to be back home. whenever she’d come over there was about 5 minutes of talking before the sex went down.

the lesson is, even if you screw up, if you’ve received IOI’s you can still make a recovery. it happens to EVERYONE so don’t beat yourself up over it. i kid you not, had i not driven past her SUV, i wasn’t expecting to, i NEVER would have made the second attempt.

this post would have been a “shoulda, woulda, coulda” post. i SERIOUSLY had a horseshoe up my ass that day.

stay up.



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