AshorePosted: September 5, 2015
it’s been over a year. DAMN. i haven’t written anything in well over a year. living back in new orleans, going to school, and pretty much being a hermit. oh wait, you probably want me to fill in the blanks. ok. fair enough….
i left jacksonville and went home to NO. for the first 3-4 months i was a bit of a player, then it just got old. i can’t explain it. i don’t know if it was the women or myself: maybe both. i landed a job, then after about 3 weeks, i quit. it was just too stressful and it was making me very depressed. i felt bad for tapping out, but eventually got over it. then i started school. i took up HVAC (air conditioning repair/service), but hated it. switched over to precision machining and welding . i am now on my second semester of both at delgado technical school.
and i really like it.
i ended up landing another job (not that i really need to work, but i felt obligated to), but again…i quit after just over 2 weeks. again too stressful. i talked to a few of my USMC buddies still on active duty and they all said it takes a while to adjust to civilian life, especially after 20 years. then i learned the harsh reality- my PTSD is WAY more serious than i thought. i don’t really leave the house, i can’t sleep, i avoid friends and family, and i rarely eat. i can honestly go 3-4 days without a bite. the meds just didn’t work and i don’t want to be some drugged up zombie. that’s the VA’s plan for 99% of vets with PTSD.
i’m not trying to bum anyone out. i look at sympathy from the major payne philosophy, “you want sympathy. you find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis.” but i’ve always been big on writing honestly. and, well…this is just the reality of my transition to civilian life. i have NO CLUE, if this blog will morph into something productive, or even anything readable. but if i see people are willing to read, i’m willing to write. besides, my PTSD counselor told me having a journal is great therapy. and i’d much rather write than take xanax.
to be honest, i kinda like being in school (especially when you get paid to go). talked to Cappy about school and let me tell you, technical school is the way to go. i think that will be the next post. for now, let me close with; i’m alive, i’m fine, going to school, and enjoying never having to work again. we’ll see what this morphs into…a 41 yo man that retired from the navy and is trying adjust to NOT being military seeking a path of minimalism.