ITLR: The Asshole Nuke

have a seat guys and grab a beer. i’m seriously amazed at how my life provides me with writing material.

i live in a pretty chill neighborhood. for the most part we all get along. we avoid the redneck meth-head on the corner and the guy next door to me on the corner. we were cool at first, but he started having his visitors parking in front of my house. came home from school one night and there were 4-5 cars lined up and douche was having a party. i walked next door to speak to him and asked him to not have his friends park in front of my house. his reply…

“it’s public property.”

i stared at him and parroted, “public property. PUBLIC PROPERTY???!!! ok. PUBLIC PROPERTY.” i walked off and he went back inside. i was completely taken aback. back in jax the neighborhood was a community. this guy is the exact opposite. so i did what any self-respecting asshole would do for get back.

i parked in front of his house for 2 weeks and chirped the car alarm at least once a night (i was working nights back then).

eventually, he quit parking in front of my house. but then there’s his 2 kids. they used to play in front of the house along the 3 houses along the corner. i didn’t care, I PLAYED on that same stretch of property as a kid. football, i can’t tell you how many football games i’d been bruised and bloodied playing (tackle only. touch is for pussies). so i was cool with it. but soon i got tired of the son kicking a ball against my house and waking me up. i soon told them to stay out of my yard (old man, i know). then i’d come home and the kids would curse at me and talk shit.

yeah, they’re kids, but i’d NEVER speak to an adult that way as a kid. and the fact that dad made the “public property” comment that i just said “fuck it” and told the kids to keep of my “private property”.

the other day i came home from my moms, and the kids were playing in my yard. got out the car, put Brody in the house, walked to my fence and told the kids, “i meant it when i said stay out of my yard.” i saw the kid left a ball on my property. i took my pocket knife and said, “my yard, my ball”, and popped the ball. dad came out and told me not to talk to his kids like that.

strap yourselves in, we’re about to hit turbulence.

i simply told the dad (zane) that i told his kids to keep of my “private property” since they were in the habit of waking me up while i was trying to sleep. he raised his voice, took 2-3 steps towards me and i hit the red. i threw off my glasses and chain and told him to to PLEASE come at me. he stopped (which told me everything i needed to know), and stared at me for a second.

i told him, “i swear to God please swing, because i’m stupid. i’ll go to jail if it means i get to pound on you. and i’ll be out of lock-up in less than 2 hours with bail waived. you have no idea who my family is (and yes, they are VERY well connected in the city. i have a a lawyer on 24-7 retainer). and honestly, i haven’t been in a fight for a while; not that i LOVE fighting, but this guy needs his ass kicked.

by now his wife came out and i told him, “you have 2 options: come fuck with me and your wife and kids get to see you you get your ass whipped, or go the fuck back into your house.” he turned around and mumbled as he walked off ferrying his family back into the house. i then noticed that a few of the neighbors came outside and watch part of the spectacle.

a few of them cheered me on as i walked back to my door. see….NO ONE likes these people. i don’t know what they did to piss off my neighbors, but they don’t like him. good thing they’re moving in a month. see, out here…men fight. if there’s a disagreement, you take it outside and settle it. i can read people like a champ, and i KNEW this guy was all talk. so i escalated knowing there wouldn’t be an altercation while showing i wasn’t going to put up with his bullshit. plus i have an asshole streak a mile wide if pushed (yeah navy).

theatrics yes. but still a show of force is better than war. I think the art of community is being lost, and that makes me sad. Then again…..

they’re gone in a month and my neighbors are thrilled that he got called out. kind of made me think of this gem…

latah brah.


ITLR: The Barking Doggy

this past weekend i was at the local having a pint. out of no where there was a commotion by the pool tables behind me. i looked and there stood a kid 17-18ish, yelling at a guy standing with his hair in a ponytail.

he had a slight smirk on his face. he never said a word, he just stood staring back with a shit eating grin.

eventually the manager walked over, and ended up kicking the kid out.

the manager came back sat next to me and the bartender walked over. i looked at the manager and said, “that kid was gonna get pounded if it went to blows.” the bartender (an Irish guy and former hell raiser) nodded and the manager quickly agreed. “OH YEAH!!!!” manager spent a year in prison for involuntary man slaughter. guy pulled a gun on him, he took the gun and he shot the man in the face, point blank.

when he told me the story he did it in the most chilling voice i’d ever heard from his mouth.

guys that fight, NEVER talk shit. there’s a disagreement and either a fight begins or does not. when a fist lands on your face, that’s the primary sign you are in a fight. there’s a certain way i fight if i KNOW it’s gonna down. don’t ask, i ain’t telling.

“when you are short on everything but the enemy, you are in combat.” -murphey’s laws of combat.

guy ended up coming up to the bar to get a drink. i looked over at him and said, “god dammit i was hoping you were gonna unload on him.” he smiled and said, “nah, i only fight men.” i told the bartender i was covering his beer. he shook my hand, thanked me and i asked his name.

“Mike, you.”

i answered, “Danny. nice to meet you. stay the fuck up Dude.”

he turned and walked back to his game of pool.

stay up.


Dog Man

a man and his dog, there’s no other more unconditional bond for a man (ok, aside from his mother). i left Brody with mom since i’ll be moving out of my house in 2-3 weeks and i’ll need to stay in a hotel. mom had to put her dog (Cody) down due to old age and his being so sickly. i knew when i saw him in december it would be the last time i’d ever spend time with him. i took a few pics with him, i just knew it was his time. never took pics with Cody before that day.

Cody-co-co.

Cody-co-co. look at that tounge.

when i went home Brody practically jumped out the car and ran circles at the door to mom’s house. when i let him in (mom wasn’t home) he sat at her chair. he knew she needed him, and he never left her side when she was in the house. little fucker ignored me if she were home. lol.

talked to mom last night and told her how i miss Brody and i’ll unconsciously put my hand over to where he sits and i realize he isn’t there. mom laughed and said, “when you called and left a message as i sat listening to it he stared at the phone and ran excitedly in circles. trust me, he misses you too. the other night he was sleeping with terry (my dad) and he kicked Body off the bed. the next morning i woke up and he wasn’t in his chair in the living room. i went upstairs and he was in your bed. i have to keep the door closed now or he’ll stay in there on your bed.”

aaaaaaaw.

a woman came to the department while i was on watch saturday and we were watching Too Cute: Puppies. they were showing a litter of basset hounds and the patient used to breed bassets. i told her my mom bred shi-tzu’s and she recently lost her dog of 12 years Cody. she asked me if i had ever heard of the “rainbow brighe” GAYNESS ALERT- she mentioned that when animals die they go to the rainbow bridge. there they play and live with other animals that have passed on. when humans die, they cross the rainbow bridge. as they do, the animals that were once parts of the family find them, greet them, and walk with them to heaven.

i told my mom this story and she started crying. i felt bad, but at the same time, i knew she was happy. i really don’t think mom will own a dog again for a long time. her last dog (Saux. prounounced socks) died when i was in high school. she didn’t get another dog for over 10 years. losing Saux hurt her that badly.

i don’t even WANT to entertain the idea of Brody passing (he turns 9 in november). my boy Adam lost his rotwieller (Indy) and he was a wreck for months. every NO skater knew and LOVED Indy.

i’ve loved women. i really have. but i don’t think i’ve EVER a had bond with a woman stronger than the bonds i’ve had with my dogs. and i’ve ststed before, a dog will open women FOR you. just take your dog for a walk and watch the girls swoon. Brody’s run to women that were exactly my type and start playing with them. hell, he’s actually pee’d on a few of said women. now remember, Brody is VERY well trained. he NEVER just runs from my side, he just seems to know, “OOOOOOH Danny’d like her.” lol. it’s crazy.

THIS. this is what i get to deal with everyday. i'm truly blessed.

THIS. this is what i get to deal with everyday. i’m truly blessed.

here’s my neighbor DJ’s dog Bully. first time i met him he ran at me and i froze. DJ’s yelled, “NO WOORY, HE NO BIHTE YOO!” DJ’s a veteran of the Serbian conflict btw. he got shot in the dick. when he told me i said i didn’t believe him and he stood up to unholster the pistola. Sean stopped him and DJ’s wife chimed in, “there is scar, but it still work.”

these are my neighbors. steeplechase lane is fucking nuts. and i’m really gonna miss living amonst these psychos.

Bully. he's 90 lbs of snuggle nugget. unless of course you enter DJ's house illegally.

Bully. he’s 90 lbs of snuggle nugget. unless of course you enter DJ’s house illegally.

AND soon enough, i’ll be raising a team of hunting dogs. i’m REALLY looking forward to that.

stay up.


ITLR: The Bow

“Any man with a rifle can scope an animal from 100 yards. When you make a kill with the bow, you are a pure hunter and show your prey the respect it deserves.”

i’ll NEVER forget these words when my Grand Father (my dad’s father) spoke them to me. i think i was about 11-12. i had just been given my first .22 long rifle. actually it’s pretty common for boys in the south to get a .22 as thier first gun. Paw-Paw was Houma tribe. hunting, fishing, and working the land was always a big part of his life. i remmber having to hoe a field for half a day; at 8. that should give you an idea of how Paw-Paw’s mindset.

once i got back stateside from Spain i KNEW i was going get the gun collection going again. each one (except the AR and MAC-10) have a purpose. the AR and MAC are just fun to shoot. but i ALWAYS wanted to get a bow. i went to a place out here that i had been patronizing for about a year and had gotten to know the owners. it’s a family run store, not corporate. i bought my turkey/duck gun (mossburg 500 cammo) for $200. it was listed at $300. this is my toy store.

green acres on normandy. jax florida

green acres on normandy. jax florida

said store has an archery department and a bowyer. nice guy. he asked me what i was looking for and i told him i had an interest in getting a bow, but didn’t want to drop $7-800 on a bow only to find out i didn’t really like shooting it. he told me he had a few used bows and he asked my price range. i said arounf $250. he brought down 2 bows and suggested the Matthew’s Mini-Mae. nice bow, felt comfortable, and he showed me how to grip it. i was sold.

he adjusted it to my arm legnth, got me a trigger, and a few arrows. once it was measured he too me to their indoor range and let me drop a few arrows at 30 feet. i was hooked. what i like about the bow is that it’s MINE. anyone can pick up one of my rifles and drop lead. if you tried to use my bow, you’ll NEVER be as effective with it as i am.

i like that.

and it’s not an easy task. haven’t gone shooting in a while, but after talking with my cousin the other day i was given permission to hunt her land whenever the hell i want. that means i need to practice shooting again. if you shoot and hit an animal. you are obligated to retrieve the body. so you better make damn sure you make a clean kill. to help matters out i bought THESE bad boys as my new broad heads. my buddy uses them and said he’s never had a deer make it more than 30 yards after a chest shot. it dies quickly.

that’s a good thing.

i’ve had one or two readers ask me bow questions and here’s my 2 cents on anyone looking to get into archery.

1- get a used bow. make sure it feels comfortable when you hold it. a reputable bowyer will NEVER try and make you buy a $900 carbon fiber body bow (see pic below) if you’re a noob.

2- have the bowyer set it to your measurements. pretty much a no-brainer. should be the first thing he does. my guy needed to adjust my bow twice to get the draw perfect.

3- know your draw strength. mine is set to 50lbs. if you’re a bigger guy, you could probably go to 75lbs.

4- invest in a good stabilizer. mine cost $75. makes all the difference in the world. i just barely grip my bow and it balances PERFECT without tilting. that’s what a stablizer does.

5- have your sights ajusted properly. the bowyer set me to 20, 40, and 60 yards.

6- all other crap is personal. arrow rest, lighted sights, lighted arrow nock, wrist strap. don’t spend too much until you know you’re going to really be using a bow often. but even now, i have no plans on getting a new bow.

7- when you actually start shooting. after you release the arrow, keep your eye on the target and follow the arrow until it hits the target. this will make you much more accurate. the bowyer that set up my bow gave me this tip.

a bow and it's parts.

a bow and it’s parts.

this is my bow. there are many like it but this one is mine.

this is my bow. there are many like it but this one is mine.

trust me, shooting a bow is a GREAT way to relieve stress. it’s such a primal tool that when you actually hold a real bow, you’ll be immediately hooked. man has used a bow as a weapon and hunting tool for centuries. and trust me, it’s NOT easy. but nothing worth doing ever is.

and think about it. if you hunt, and fire at and kill an animal, every damn thing in the woods knows people are about. a bow kill is silent, and you can retrieve your arrow and use it again. even if you only get the most basic set up and shoot once a week, i promise you’ll soon find a passion for it.

again, if you have any questions, feel free to email me.

stay up.


Sunday Day Bang Danny Stylee

i decided to take some RnR and went to the gun range today. i went with my AK, Mossburg 500 persuader, Ruger P95, and Ruger 22/45

meet bertha and sophi.

meet bertha and sophi.

Ruger P95 with laser sight

Ruger P95 with laser sight

ruger's 22/45. holds 10+1

ruger’s 22/45. holds 10+1

the AK. 25 yards. i was quite inaccurate, but haven’t shot it in almost 7 months. the AK is NOT known for it’s accuracy at a distance. and, i REALLY need a LOT more practice with long guns.

the 22/45. i like dumping the clip fast as possible at close range. this was at 7 yards

i had a BLAST

told you i had a blast

told you i had a blast

after shooting i went to see 300 with a woman i know, then we went off for vietnamese food. the movie was REALLY good. considering i’m a Sailor and the movie is mostly a sea battle, i had half a stalk for 90% of the movie. the chiseled men with 6 packs were probably also a factor. the bang scene in the movie was FANTASTIC!!! even girl said, “damn, now that’s fucking.” lol.

and amennemtis (whatever the fuck her name was) had some TIT-TAAAAYSS!!!!! DAY-UM!!!!

we headed off for vietnamese food after the movie and i had me a nice bowl of bun bo hue

nommy nom nommers

nommy nom nommers

now i’m sitting at home, waiting to watch walking dead and having some beers. guns, pussy, food porn, and beer.

it was a good ass day.

stay up.


A Beaten Man

“…and every once in a while i had to take a beating. but by then i didn’t care. the way I saw it, everybody takes a beating sometimes.” -Henry Hill, Goodfellas

when i was 2 years old, my dad beat the shit out of me. no, i don’t think you understand- he fucking beat me to what i’m told was an inch of my life. i was covered head-to-toe in bruises. i don’t remember it, i was too young. but mom left my dad and refused to let him see me. my dad’s parents disowned him (for a little while).

eventually mom went back to him. i asked her why and she told me because she didn’t want me to grow up not knowing my dad. and my dad being a manipulative man, used that to needle his way back into her life. she stayed with him for 11 more years. and i was beaten regularly.

i’m not talking a few passes on the ass with a belt. we’re talking being held by my arm while multiple lashes landed where they landed over 3-5 minutes. and no, that isn’t an exaggeration. it really lasted that long. my mom began hiding behavior slips when i got in trouble at school.

had a friend sleep over once and we made cereal saturday morning. i was in fourth grade at the time. he left the milk on the counter and when my dad woke up he asked me who left the milk out. i gulped and told him i did. my dad glared at me, “get to your room.” he walked in and beat me like he always did.

when i came out the room my friend looked at me and almost broke into tears, “i’m so sorry man.” i shrugged my shoulders. “don’t worry about it.” by that point in my life it was useless to to say anything. being beaten was simply a reality of a young Danny.

my mom left my dad shortly after that. do you know how bad a marriage has to be for a fourth grade boy to be RELIEVED that his parents were splitting up. we moved in with Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw, and that time was the best time of my childhood.

one day at school we were playing football during recess (tackle, touch is for pussies). this kid tackled me, and when he got up he pushed my head into the ground. i went into the red. i set up to guard him on the next play. i didn’t have the ball thrown to me, but i ran at dude and tackled him, he got up and we went at it.

anyone that’s ever seen young boys fight, you know how insane it gets. there’s a complete chaos and teachers come running from everywhere. it was broken up really quickly and i got suspended for 3 days. when i explained to my mom what happened and she told me, “remember when your Maw-Maw told you how to deal with the bullies at the bus-stop? i nodded and she told me i had done the right thing. that if someone starts a fight with me she wanted me to fight back.

the fight at school was my first time going at a guy who pushed me. i hated how i felt after the fight, but something amazing happened.

i noticed no one ever picked on me. being tiny meant i’d get taunts, and pushed. i just stayed quiet. this fight was different. the bus-stop was just dealing with two kids ganging up on me, teasing me. i beat one with a stick.

but the guy in fourth grade was my first one on one fight. and i attribute it to being a kid that just accepted being beaten viciously and growing accustomed to it. when i FINALLY knew i could fight back, it was very empowering to me. and i HATE to fight. i’ve NEVER started a fight, and men that fight KNOW when they’re dealing with a guy that will swing.

my fathers an asshole, haven’t spoken to him since 2006. when i was living with him i decided to stay home for the evening (New Years Eve) and my dad told me i should go out. after he went to bed i got bored and walked 2 houses over to my friends family who was having a family party. i’d been there an hour when my dad showed up and told me to get my ass home.

when we got inside he started yelling at me and getting in my face. i told him to back off of me. then he said in a “big boy” voice, “you think you’re gonna hit me boy. go ahead.” i looked him right in his eye and said calmly, “no, you’re drunk. take your ass back to bed and well discuss this tomorrow.”

the next morning i told my dad that if he EVER got in my face like that again, i WOULD hit him. and there was no way he was going to beat me in fight. “you beat me enough as a kid that if anyone pushes me now, i fucking unload on them. and i don’t care if i win or lose.” i knew exactly what kind of man my father was.

the type of man that will always only speak, but never fight. he used his big brother to do his fighting for him as a kid, and that’s why no one ever fucked with him. he’ll talk tough, but never back it up. i prefer to stay among the warriors who speak little of suck things. and I respect them far more than men that won’t fight to protect those they love.

if you’re a fighter. i salute you.

stay up.


Into the Realm of Men: Beast Mode

sorry, i needed to take a few days off. it really felt good to not do blog crap for a few days. ok. this actually went down monday morning.

i was dead asleep. you know, that “i took 50mg of benadryl and i’m toast” kinda sleep. my head wasn’t there and my feet weren’t quite touching the ground. i had been asleep maybe 2-3 hours. when i rack out i only hear my phone, Brody, and the alarm. i’m working the 3pm-11pm shift this week.

suddenly, Brody was barking like mad and he made a bee-line out the room. WTF? then i heard my door being messed with. next thing i knew i had drawn my ruger P95 (the same ruger i pointed at Jack in a skype convo, he ducked quickly btw) and moved to the bedroom door. i cleared the living room and saw Brody moving by the front door. i chambered the gun and moved forward slowly. as i slowly side stepped the foyer, i was staring at and tagerting So-So, my old room-mate. she came to get some of her things.

she saw me, he eyes widedned and her Asian ass turned the palest i’d ever seen it.

i IMMEDIATELY pointed the gun upward, yelled “FUUUUCK!!!!!”, dropped the mag and cleared the chambered round. i stomped back to my room as i heard So say, “oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Danny, i’m soooo sorry, i thought you were at work.”

i sat in my room for about 5 minutes so i could decompress. i apoligized to her and told her i wasn’t yelling at her, but i was still in “fight” mode and you kind of don’t just down-shift from it too easily. and guys that fight know EXACTLY how true that statement is. hell, i was in my fucking boxer-briefs when i stepped outside my bedroom.

when i came back (dressed), she looked at me and said, “dude, i’ve never seen you look like that before. you were gonna kill me.” i told her no, i was gonna kill the individual i don’t know that comes into my home without permission. then said, “girl, you just saw 100% louisiana male.”

back in NO, i was asleep with miss oneitis when she woke me and told me someone was at the door. long story short, i ended up letting him take 3 steps into my apartment before i chambered a round. come to find out, he was a maintenance dude that wanted to tell me the unit 2 floors down burst a water main and i wouldn’t have water until that afternoon.

when i told her to get on the ground she JUMPED over me. in that moment, she was an insect. and freaked girl out, she had no clue i had steel in the house. but i will say her attitude did a 180 after that night. she no longer told me what she wanted or needed, she ASKED. and if she got it, she thanked my like there was no tomorrow. shit tests went out the window, and she jumped to get shit if i got up to do it myself.

and she was your typical western, empowered, “independent woman”. funny how the fear of God can wash away a lifetime of feminism. very few people ever see that side of alphas. and it’s being marganilized into near-extinction. funny how most women only learn how vauable it is when it’s too late. most people only get to see the laughing, witty, silly Danny. later in the afternoon i got a text from So-So-

“yeah dude, i don’t ever want to be on the business end of that look again.” lol.

2nd

the ruger P95 9mm. holds 15+1. i added the laser point.

20140205-004922.jpg

stay up