i guess it would only be fair to update you on goings-on since i left jacksonville.
first, i’m back in NO living in what amounts to the fight club house which is one of the places my parents rent out. the previous tenants were evicted and they basically trashed the place. i cleaned it as best as i could be to be honest, i don’t give a fuck. i’ve had FAR worse accommodations. my boy gets out the navy in 2-3 months and he’ll be crashing here until we get shit squared away (i’ll extrapolate later).
i’m unemployed as fuck. that kinda sucked wet donkey balls at first b/c the navy fucked me on my disability pay. to compensate, i was going to school for welding and precision machining. i was copping $1500 a month for each semester. i got my level one welding cert and my NCCER core certificate. NCCER is just a cert to be able to be on a job site. basically a CPR card for construction work. buuuuuuuuuut, i dropped out. the program sucked and i was wasting my time.
that led to me being able to afford rent and bills while leaving about $250 for the rest of the month. needless to say that year+ was a tad stressful for me. i had to jump through hoop after hoop after hoop to get my PTSD covered. well, last month it FINALLY went through and i got a retroactive check for $23,000. i paid 3 months of rent and bills. but i was a fucking wreck before that went through. now between my pension and disability i don’t have to work any more. i’m going in tomorrow for a CT scan for my head since i tested positive for TBI. MO’ MONEY.
as for the going minimal thing; i gave 80% of my shit to a newly wed junior sailor. i’m STILL getting rid of shit though. as far as the property thing- my friend getting out of navy in a few months is also going to do the same thing. known him for 12 years. he’s in desert dwelling (29 palms) Marine Corpsman for just outside lake charles la. we’re going in on 3-5 acres in cajun country or possibly mississippi. all he wants to do is sleep late, fish, and hunt.
works for me.
he’s also read the same book i have on he’s all in. but can’t really plan anything until he gets his ass down here.
so there you go. i’m sitting pretty in NO sleeping late and i’m toying with the idea of a part time gig just to get out the house for a little while. eat, sleep, shit, walk Brody, take the mom to lunch once in a while, and go ride the bike to get some exercise. a far cry from the care free skirt chasing days of yore.
hopefully i didn’t put you to sleep.
i was going to start a completely new blog but decided it’s too much work, so i’ll just resume posting here. i’ll write something longer and more relevant later but here all you need to know:
1- i’ll be posting my accent into minimalism (i’ve already started)
2- i SHAN’T be posting about women (dead horse)
3- posts will now be done daily, i’ll be taking a more Keoni approach of posting when i feel like it..
of course, all this is dependent on if you give 2 shits to read about whatever the hell i post.
elephant in the room: i got into a fight. not going into details, but will share something with you- i was totally ashamed of what i’d done. there was a time when i’d have bragged about it, but like i said that guys gone. but at the time of the fight, 2 months prior i went into deep isolation: avoid friends, not leaving the house, and not eating. my family was seriously worried.
other interesting news: i dropped out of school and quit looking for a job. told my mom, “i think i need to just concentrate on readjusting to civilian life and dealing with the PTSD.” personally, it took me a few days of thinking over after the fight.
what am i gonna do now? simple- nothing.
just get my shit together and deal with each day as it comes. not really much else i can do. how will i get money- pfft, that never gonna be an issue. but there’s more news you probably won’t believe- i quit drink out of where 2 weeks ago. ZERO beers, and i honestly have no desire to do so.
then today, just a few hours ago, i was at the VA. i saw mental health so could start on getting my disability fixed. i’m at 10%, i’m easily at 80%. however, what i’m not getting is retroactive. so the paltry 10% clocks in at $133.22. yup. i did the math and i HOPE to be getting $64822. well guess what mental health told me in the end.
“i think yo need to just concentrate on readjusting to civilian life and dealing with your PTSD. you’re not ready for school or work.” *facepalm*
i still plan on writing so don’t worry. i’ll do my best to get 2-3 post out a week.
i’ve been away for a while. sorry. been going through a lot of shit. long story short- i’m quiting school.now i have a few months to figure out what i’m going to do.
if you really want to understand, watch last sunday’s episode of walking dead where eastmon explains PTSD to morgan. i put the tv on pause and cried……for a good 5 minutes. don’t know where i’m heading i just know there’s a road before me.
got into a fight last night. guy was unloading his groceries into his car and pushed his cart away.
it hit my car.
words were exchanged and
i walked away, he didn’t.
i’ll try and keep up with posts. sorry guys.
sorry about the little lapse in posts. had kind of a rough week. ended up having to call the VA emergency line because i got severely depressed. just a lot of shit hit at once. i’m second guessing school, still can’t find a job, the VA is still dicking me around to fix my disability status from 10% to the 80% i deserve.
thank God this week is fall break and i only have school wed/thur, then i’m off for the rest of the week. had to sit and do a lot of introspection about the near future. it’s kind of odd; for the last 3 years all i could think about was getting out. and while i’m certainly not wanting to be back in the matrix, being out hasn’t been quite what i expected.
i guess i thought it would an easy transition, but…not so fast danny. lol.
point is, if i can deal with this bullshit….any of you can keep trudging along as well. see, told you the new writing isn’t going to be the yuk yuk slinging, girl chasing crap it used to be. i’m in flux, and that should be reflective in the writing.
maybe i’ll start walking around wal-mart for writing material. that might be funny. until then, sorry. but hey, at least i’m being honest.
i mentioned that there was a blonde honey limbed lovely that caught my attention. and i got the impression you guys were going to want see the turn-out. hate to be a kill joy but the fact is…..
haven’t been there in 2-3 weeks.
you see. something i always stressed to you guys was live your life as what is most important to you. and on planet Danny a lovely blonde isn’t changing my plans. she works at starbucks and i have no reason to go there now. i have no class crap to study. thusly, i’m not going there just to chat up some girl.
women are the side-dish to my life. not the entrée.
i’m not here to bullshit you guys about myself. and i’m assuming most of you reading don’t want me to BS you. if i go back to that sturbeezy’s, and she’s there, i’ll give it a shot. but my expectations are low to non-existent. i think i heard the term “outcome independence” in the past. i dunno…
that’s just not the crux to my life atm. the mission is ALWAYS more important than the girl.
quick post because i’m lazy and have to study this weekend.
everyone has one thing. one thing that means the world to them, is personal to them. no woman has EVER found my one thing. and this one thing usually isn’t family, it’s something personal. i’ll explain- i came home to NO before i moved to jacksonville from spain. i used to go to this bar close to my mom’s when the step dad was watching TV.
there was a bartender there that was fine as hell. every guy there drooled over her. i was there damn near every day for 2 weeks. she used to read when it was slow, which it was when i was there. i finally asked her what she was reading and i asked her if she’d read, “the unbearable lightness of being”.
she hadn’t. i bought her a used copy and told her we’d have a discussion after she finished it. well, she LOVED the book. i told her we needed to hang out one night after she got off work. her next night off, we went to the house she was watching while the owner (her boss, who had a crush on her) was on vacation.
do i need to elaborate?
one book, i got in. why? reading/books was her one thing. we ALMOST banged in a book store that i brought her to before i got the +1.
my best friend, a man i’ve known since i was 5 has his own one thing: skateboarding. a girl that can appreciate skate culture will win him over every time. i quit skating years ago, but i’m still part of the tribe because i appreciate and support the culture.
what’s your “one thing”? that girl you like, what’s her one thing? your son, daughter, wife- what’s their one thing?
food for thought, you do the dishes.